dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
