You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
