Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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