It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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