id be glad to
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
