She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
