this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
