i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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