nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
