WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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