wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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