Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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