went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
