guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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