I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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