i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
