I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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