We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
