okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
