So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
