It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
