every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
