cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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