Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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