It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
