just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
