My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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