I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize