I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
