2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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