community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
