OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
this will be a night to untag.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
