if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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