Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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