I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
