This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
