I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
