Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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