Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
