fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
