Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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