Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
