i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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