I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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