Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it glows. i had to have it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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