Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
