You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
