That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
