i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
