I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
