i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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