I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she looked like the before picture.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
