Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
