hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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