Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize