my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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