So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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