The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
