you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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