She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
