You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
