the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
