You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She bit a glass in half.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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