hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
