I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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