so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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