you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
