you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
