why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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